I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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