is your mom at the bar?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
