Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
