anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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