you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize