1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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