Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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