I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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