dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
