Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
