I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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