i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
There's even glitter on my cock...
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