you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize