I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
