I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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