Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
