i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
