she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
