May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
