I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
