I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
