Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
