Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
