Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
