Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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