I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
