I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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