I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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