I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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