Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
