i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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