I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
we should paint friendship bongs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
