he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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