you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
