Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
