I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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