I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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