I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
