splinters make it hard to masturbate
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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