alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
