i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
