i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
