The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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