he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
