my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
