At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
