you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
