I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
