a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
