you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
