; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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