hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
