girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
