what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
