I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
