just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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