that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
