I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
