grandma shit on top of the toilet
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize