Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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