with your own penis?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
