im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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