if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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