I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
