you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
