Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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