i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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