I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
