i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
