when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
