I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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