my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
