a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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