piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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