If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
