Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
