if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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