All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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