HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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