Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
