Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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